What to expect when someone close to you is in their final days

This information is sourced from Dr Kathryn Mannix

Eating and Drinking

In the last days of life the person’s appetite and thirst is likely to be much reduced. Families and carers may be concerned about the effects of reduced food intake or dehydration but this is a natural and expected part of the dying process. The body is slowing down, and if someone eats or drinks more than they really need it can cause them discomfort. More care is needed with swallowing and soft food is a little safer.  

Things that may help:

  • Let the person choose if and when they want to eat or drink  
  • Offer small amounts of soft food, especially the person’s favourite flavours
  • Offer crushed ice or small ice lollies instead of drinks
  • Use a small spray bottle to mist the mouth with small amounts of water
  • Frequent mouth care can prevent the person feeling thirsty     
  • NHS Herts Valleys have produced a helpful leaflet (see downloads) with suggested food and drinks 
Breathing 

As a person’s body shuts down, it is normal that their breathing becomes shallower often with long pauses between breaths. Sometimes this alternates with rapid breathing. Both are normal and not a sign of distress or suffocation. 

Sometimes the person’s breathing may become irregular and noisy. This is likely to be because they are not able to swallow their saliva, which can cause a rattling sound. Whilst the sound may be unsettling it does not usually cause distress. If there is distress then small doses of medicines to dry the secretions, or to deepen sleep may help.

Tiredness, sleep and consciousness

As time goes by the person will spend more time sleeping, often very deeply. Some people become completely unconscious for a period of time - this could be short, or as long as several days.

Changes in complexion and temperature

The person’s skin may feel cold and change colour. Their hands, feet, ears and nose may feel cold to the touch due to reduced circulation in the final hours. Occasionally, a person’s hands or other parts of the body may swell and their skin may also become mottled or uneven in colour as their circulation slows down.

Confusion and Agitation

In the last few days some people become more restless and agitated. They may hallucinate, and see or hear people or things that are not actually there which can be distressing to watch.

Simple things like favourite music, familiar voices, lavender oil on the pillow may help but there is also medication that may help a person to settle. There are some oral options that may help (to avoid injections), even in a very sleepy patient. The Palliative Care Team can advise.
Loss of bodily functions

The person may lose control of their bladder or bowels. This happens because the muscles in these areas relax and don’t work as well as they did. They may also have fewer bowel movements as they eat less, and their urine may get darker as they drink less. There are many practical ways that nurses can advise on how to manage this to help retain dignity.

The Hospice in the Weald guide on the Last Days and Hours has more detail.

Dr Kathryn Mannix is a hugely experienced palliative care doctor and author, and she speaks in this video below about the process of ordinary dying and what patients and families can expect.

Recommended Resources

Hillingdon Hospitals NHS Trust: What to expect when someone important to you is dying

Published 1st January 2022

Hospice in the Weald - Informed Guide

Published 30th December 2022

Marie Curie - last weeks of life

Published 30th August 2024

Share

Downloads

Related Services

Adult Social Care
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well in Westminster, Kensington and Chelsea.

These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Adult Social Care Brent
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well.  These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Adult Social Care Ealing
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well.  These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Adult Social Care Hammersmith and Fulham
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well.  These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Adult Social Care Harrow
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well.  These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Adult Social Care Hillingdon
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well.  These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Adult Social Care Hounslow
Close

Adult Social Care provides practical support to people to stay safe and well.  These services are usually provided in people's homes, care homes or in the community. Thre is also support for people who are caring for an adult family member or friend, access to personal care and home care services.

Breatheasy groups
Close

The support group is a way to learn more about living with a lung condition and share your experiences and stories with others.

Brent Carers Centre
Close

Brent Carers Centre deliver a whole range of support services to address the social, emotional and financial issues that carers experience.

Care Place
Close

London Borough of Hounslow publishes a regular factsheet called Information for Carers. It lists local, national and council services, voluntary organisations and other sources of advice and support that may be useful if you look after someone as an unpaid carer.

Carers Network
Close

Carers Network is an independent local charity reaching over 5,300 unpaid carers in the most isolated and deprived pockets of the City of Westminster, the London Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham and the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. We have been proudly supporting carers in central London since 1991.

There is help for new carers and a carer's assessment to discuss how to maintain your health and balance your caring responsibilities with other areas of your life. It may also help you get financial support.

Citizens Advice Brent
Close

Adviceline is open Monday to Friday 10.00am to 4.00pm.

Advisers are present at Brent Hubs in the Civic Centre from 10.00am to 2.00pm on Mondays and at Harlesden Library from 10.00am to 5.00pm on Wednesdays.

Ealing Carers
Close

Your Voice in Health and Social Care (YVHSC) are providing the Ealing Carers Service to support carers who have caring responsibilities living within the borough of Ealing.

Harrow Carers
Close

Harrow Carers is an independent charity and voluntary organisation and has been the lead carers’ support agency in Harrow since 1996. Support and services are available to anyone who cares for people in the community who are ill, frail, disabled and disadvantaged.

Hillingdon Community Palliative Care Team
Close

Hillingdon Palliative Care Team (hosted by NHS CNWL) provides specialist advice and visiting to palliative care patients living in Hillingdon. Each GP practice has their own named Clinical Nurse Specialist ( CNS ). A Triage CNS manages calls and referrals each day and they have the option to escalate to consultants if needed.

They can be contacted Monday to Friday 8.00am to 4.30pm excluding bank holidays.

Out of hours phone Michael Sobell Hospice 24 hour Advice Line on 020 3824 1268

Referral form for clinician use only.

Community Specialist Palliative Care Referral Form V4.1 (DOCX)
Meadow House Hospice Inpatient Unit
Close

Meadow House Hospice provides inpatient palliative care services to the residents of Ealing.

The hospice has a 15 bedded inpatient unit supported by a team of dedicated staff providing 24/7 specialist support to patients and their family members. Patients with a progressive life limiting illness can be admitted for symptom management or end of life care.

Patients have a safe, dignified space of their own and the flexibility to spend time alone or in company, surrounded by their possessions and the people they care about. The hospice also has an extensive garden area that provides a quiet and reflective environment for both patients and family members.

Please contact the hospice Monday to Friday 8.30am to 4.30pm and during the weekend 9.00am to 5.00pm on 0208 242 5817.

There is a 24 hour telephone support line to the hospice ward on 0208 967 5597.

Bereavement services to support family members, friends and carers connected to a loved one who was cared for by the Hospice, can be contacted via main switchboard.  

Referral form for clinician use only.

Community Specialist Palliative Care Referral Form V4.1 (DOCX)

Related Articles

11th January 2024

Agitation and Restlessness in the Final Days: Information for patients and carers

30th June 2024

Breathlessness: Information for clinicians

27th February 2023

Caring at home - practical tips

Feedback