This information is sourced from Hospice UK and Child Bereavement UK:
The leaflet from Dying matters and video from Child Bereavement UK provide essential support to adults for talking about death with children. These help guide adults through what children need to know when someone close to them is dying or has died. Example Q&As and suggested phrases are included.
Why children need to talk about dying
- We can’t protect children from death
- Fears and misunderstandings which are not addressed will grow
- We need to talk to children about dying so that they don’t feel isolated or guilty about their thoughts
- It’s better to have helped children have an understanding of death, funerals, burial and cremation before someone close to them has died
How to talk about death with children
- Children may ask practical questions instead of talking about their feelings; listen carefully, so you know exactly what they mean
- If you don’t know the answer, say so
- Don’t worry if you think you’ve answered the question badly – it’s more important to the child that you’ve paid attention
- Try not to look uncomfortable
- Try and answer their question as soon as they’ve asked it
- A series of short conversations is often easier
- Be clear and direct in your language – using phrases such as “passed away” rather than “died” can leave them confused
- There’s no harm in a child seeing that you are sad or crying if someone has died. It may help them know their own grief is acceptable
- Children understand words very literally, and you may need check they haven’t misunderstood
Books:
These books may be helpful to support children to process loss. Lists for 5-8 yrs, 9-12 yrs and teenagers