Why children need to talk about dying
- We can’t protect children from death
- Fears and misunderstandings which are not addressed will grow
- We need to talk to children about dying so that they don’t feel isolated or guilty about their thoughts
- It’s better to have helped children have an understanding of death, funerals, burial and cremation before someone close to them has died
How to prepare children that a parent or grandparent is dying
Telling children or grandchildren that someone they’re close to isn’t going to get better is incredibly hard. The best way to tell them is to be open and honest and use clear, age-appropriate language.
We know that children will feel frightened, angry, guilty and helpless when a parent is ill – a whole family approach to communicating can be really helpful in these stressful times
Regular small updates are helpful. Children of all ages have great imagination, and will think the worst if they don’t understand what is happening
It is critical that children are reassured they will be looked after
Explore their worries and welcome all questions
Don’t assume children know what’s going on
Try to share the truth, difficult as this is, and show your sadness. This will help your children share their own feelings
Children may ask practical questions instead of talking about their feelings
If you don’t know the answer, say so
Children understand words very literally, and you may need check they haven’t misunderstood
Books that may help
Books may be helpful to support children to process loss. These websites have lists for 5-8 yrs, and older children and young adults
The video from Child Bereavement UK provide essential support to adults for talking with children when someone special has died